Remember that you do not have to sign the IEP for it to go into effect – you DO have to object to it in writing for it not to go into effect. Especially if there is a possibility you may have a protracted period of either renegotiation or appeals and formal hearings, as the parent, first and best advocate for your child, it is best to stay organized.

I give three major pieces of advice to parents entering the IEP situation. They are

1. Pack the room. Be sure you are not alone in the meeting. If possible bring at least two other people with you, at least for moral support. It’s even better if you have a PCA, a tutor, an outside therapist, or a respite provider who knows your child well along.

2. Do your homework. Bring with you any relevant testing, physician notes, or other materials you have. Ask for paperwork in advance (though don’t be surprised if the school declines to provide it – they are busy and often finish paperwork right before meetings) and don’t be afraid to ask that the meeting be postponed or rescheduled if you feel you are being pressured to make a decision and need more time to review the paperwork.

3. Know where you are, what has worked before, what has not worked before, and what goals you (and your child, if they are over 14) have. If you don’t know where you have been and where you want to go, you are likely to end up somewhere else!

Pack the Room: Schools are accustomed to having large numbers of their personnel overwhelming a single parent or at most two, and it keeps them off guard. In one meeting with a preschool Special Ed team, we had five participants to their five, and I rarely had issues with the school district again.

As well as bringing your support and documentation team, “dress for success.” Wearing a dress, suit, or nice slacks not only helps you feel more confident and better about yourself, it shows the school members of the team that you take this endeavor as seriously as you would take a job or other professional engagement. It is far easier for school personnel to ignore a parent in sloppy sweats with messy hair than one who is dressed as professionally (or more professionally) than they are.

Do your Homework: First, prepare by reading the most recent IEP. Think about what seems to be working, what is not, and how your child has changed since it was written. Have any goals been accomplished? Have any needs changed? Do you know of any new applicable resources? Make lists of these, and try to keep related material and information together. Even if the resources are simple and straightforward, such as ergonomic tools, list them.

Don’t assume that the professionals know everything. I read a note from another parent in an Internet group about ergonomic, “Twist n Write” pencils. They worked really well for my son, increasing his control in writing immensely. So far I have shown ours to at least 2 Special Educators and 3 OTs (who you’d think would already be aware of the things) and none of them had seen this tool before. All the OTs announced an intention to go right out after school and buy some. Kind of makes you wonder what kind of marketing the pencil’s manufacturer is (or isn’t) doing, doesn’t it?

Now that you are aware of some strategies, the third article in this series will provide some tools you can use to clearly assess your current position and goals.

I’ve advocated in the Special Ed system for my family and others since 1988.  As an advocate, my strategy is to provide clients with some hints, tips, and tools, and then stand back to let them run with their new knowledge.  This first article of three is about the background of my advocacy model.

The background of this model is a dollop of old fashioned open market bargaining, with a bit of formal negotiation thrown in.  In order to pull it off you basically have to realize and fully own three things:

• You are a full member of the IEP team,
• You are the expert on your child, and
• Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Law defines the first statement.  The IDEA, the Federal law that requires an IEP for each child with a disability in publicly funded schools in the US, includes the parent as a fully functioning member of the planning team.  Because you are a member of the team, you have the right and duty to ask for definitions of acronyms or terms with which you are not familiar and to provide information to the time of which they may not be aware.  Never let school personnel convince you otherwise.

The second statement is true in the vast majority of cases.  Unless you are working 90 hours a week and someone else is raising your child, you probably see more of him or her than anyone else, and certainly more than any school staff member.  You know the kid’s manipulations, their little foibles, likes, and dislikes.  Jimmy may be able to convince his Developmental Adaptive PE instructor that he can’t balance on one foot, but you see him do it regularly at Martial Arts, or on the playground.  Susy may convince her OT she can’t button one-inch buttons, but you see her closing half inch ones on doll clothing.  The more you internalize this truth, the more confident you can be and appear.

The third statement is common sense, which is not common and often ignored.  School staff members are accustomed to following a set pattern for all students with a given label.  They find standardized programming, put together in a boilerplate form, to be most time efficient in an environment placing multiple demands on their time.  You can’t expect them to consider deviating from their model, even when appropriate, unless you ask.

A standard model of negotiation involves

• A asks for what they really want, the “best,” even an  “extreme” in some folks’ opinion.
• B tries to push the “usual” service or level of service.
• A respectfully declines and bolsters the request with evidence.
• B moves a little.
• A stands firm, perhaps modifying the request a tiny bit.
• Both talk back and forth until either an impasse is reached or an “in between” is agreed upon.

Using this model, you will need to prepare before the IEP process, by seriously examining your child’s strengths and challenges, looking at what has worked in the past (and what hasn’t), and deciding, on your own or with assistance from others, what will provide the best learning experience and results.

It’s the result of a lifetime of advocating for self and others on the spectrum or with other special needs. From time to time I’ll post on this blog information, strategies, philosophy — take it or leave it — if you take it, it’s my fond hope that you and your family will be better for it.

The major tenet of this site and of my advocacy style is that speaking truth to power is a good thing — keeps the powerful honest, or at least aware that others can see through their baloney and will seek truth.